P5

Initial Draft feedback

L-shaped transition - sound/picture comes in before each other, so the sound goes from loud to quiet, so it's not as fast-paced. Zoom in and show the shop and not the brickwork. There are multiple sound issues which need fixing.

Delete the bit of Toby sitting down then cut to the straw poking. See if it works. The focus is the straw being poked into the cup. get rid of the orange in the shot and make it similar to other shots. there is wanky camera work when Becky gives toby the drink back, use a tripod or a fly cam. It won't be as funny.

The shots of Becky turning into a ninja are good but the shot of Becky walking out could be a jump cut. It needs the be shorter. The lighting is different so the aperture needs to be changed, could put music and kung fu noises in too. The lighting is good around the shop because it makes more sense.

If the shot doesn't work, take it out and use another shot.

The shot could be Becky as a ninja and isn't kung fu enough. It could be demonstrating a kung fu shot in another way, going home and practising ninja stuff, putting straws in drinks speeding up in premiere. Emphasise that Becky is the kung fu master which will be amusing and match with the flow of the advert. Anything that's easy for Becky essentially.

There is not much camera movement. Again, there are some issues with sound and lighting. It needs music for the effect. Lighting has issues needs to be more tightly edited. The reaction shot could be better at the end and more like "What the hell just happened?"

Here is my final edit for the advert:

After feedback from the target audience, I decided to edit my idea down quite a lot. Although I removed the storyline behind the original idea I kept the same themes throughout the process.